However, this is more likely a rumoured romantic notion that had no basis in law. It is said that women first gained the right to propose marriage in Scotland in 1228, which then caught on in the rest of Europe. Marriage was deemed to be acceptable as soon as puberty hit – for girls from around age 12 and boys 14 – so betrothals were sometimes made at a very young age. In general, however, peasants often never married, since there was little need for a formal exchange of property. ![]() It was only amongst the lower classes that people consistently married for love, since there was little to be gained materially from marrying one person versus another. Often, young people wouldn’t meet their future spouses until after the marriage had already been arranged, and even if they did, their courtship was tightly monitored and controlled. In spite of the lovelorn image painted by chivalric ideals, medieval courtship amongst more wealthy members of society was normally a matter of parents negotiating as a means of increasing family power or wealth. Naturally, these benefits did not extend to poorer women. Chivalric codes became a useful tool for a more balanced marriage. In addition to demonstrating love through obedience, it was now more usual for women to be the head of the family and control all important matters when the lord was away, in return for his love and honour. This was particularly pronounced with an emerging class of wealthy townsfolk who owned significant material goods. Since chivalry supposedly held women in such high regard and men were supposed to be utterly devoted to them, women were able to exercise more authority and power in the household. Interestingly, it has been theorised that ideas of courtly love benefitted noblewomen. Instead, tales of courtly love depicted lovers admiring each other from far away, and normally ended in tragedy. Rather than sex or marriage, love was the focus, and characters rarely ended up together. Image Credit: Wikimedia Commons / Sotheby's Sale catalogue ‘God Speed’ by English artist Edmund Leighton, 1900: depicting an armoured knight departing for war and leaving his beloved. Tales of knights who were willing to sacrifice everything for honour and the love of their maiden encouraged this style of courtship. Lore, song and literature written for royal entertainment quickly spread and gave rise to the concept of courtly love. ![]() New ideas of ‘courtly love’ dominated the period Here’s an introduction to love, sex and marriage in the medieval period. In practice, romance was not so romantic, with married parties often not meeting before saying ‘I do’, women sometimes being forced to marry their abusers and the church creating strict rules about how, when and with whom people could have sex. Ideals of chivalry and courtly love represented the pursuit of love as a noble aim. However, the medieval period was also infused with other ideas about how love should be communicated. ![]() A popular proverb of the time stated ‘that which the heart thinks, the mouth speaks’. Naturally, this extended to love, sex and marriage, with the invocation of the heart being used to communicate truth, sincerity and serious commitment to matrimony. As the blood-pumping organ at the centre of the body, medical and philosophical thought placed the heart as the catalyst of all other bodily functions, including reason. In medieval society, it was thought that the heart and mind were symbiotically connected.
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